By The Gonzo Poltergeist, Senior Correspondent, Haunted Institutions
May 13, 2025
Read Vol. 1: Welcome to the Family Business
We knew there’d be a Volume 2. We just didn’t expect it to come screaming in at 600 knots, with gold toilets and foreign policy implications. This week’s grift isn’t just bold — it’s aerodynamic and fancy.
It defies logic that the President of the United States — is still, somehow, Donald Trump — and he is being gifted a $400 million Boeing 747 by the Qatari royal family. This is the same model used for Air Force One, except this one doesn’t belong to the American people. It belongs to him.
It’s not a metaphor. It’s not subtle. It’s a Bond villain origin story, and it’s not even the most corrupt thing he’s done this quarter.
This isn’t a lease. This isn’t your run-of-the-mill, tricked-out loaner jumbo jet. You could call it a gift — or you could call it what it looks like: a bribe. A high-altitude, gold-plated thank-you card from one petrostate to the man who made American foreign policy available for private acquisition.
What exactly is the exchange rate for American influence? What do the Qataris get in return for their lavish generosity? Leverage. Access. A seat in the cockpit.
The Saudis get Jared Kushner — in private life but still carrying White House relationships — managing their money and advising the largest sovereign wealth fund in the world and its chairman, our broligarch of the month himself, Yasir Al-Rumayyan. (batshitcrazy.com)
The truth is, they don’t even need him to finish the term — they just need him to finish the handoff. Trump was never the endgame; he was the Trojan horse to dismantle the international order, the setup guy, the beta release for something worse. What they’re hoping for is nothing less than the downfall of the United States — an end of empire, a weakening in political, economic, and military power — bought with a few billion in the right places and a flying palace. And they’re not the only ones treating him that way.
Within his own party, the calculus is just as cold. Republican leadership has embraced Trump as a means to an end: a vehicle to implement long-sought policies and reshape the federal government. Utilizing procedural tools like budget reconciliation, they aim to pass significant portions of Trump’s agenda without bipartisan support, streamlining the process to achieve their objectives.
This strategic alliance is not built on loyalty but on utility. Once the legislative goals are met and the structural changes cemented, there’s an implicit understanding that Trump’s role will diminish. The focus will shift to successors who can carry the torch without the baggage, ensuring the continuity of their agenda with a more palatable face.
In this orchestrated play, Trump is both the battering ram and the scapegoat, paving the way for a new era of governance that aligns with their vision, even if it means discarding the very figure who made it possible.
Filed from a pressurized cabin somewhere over the Atlantic, sipping Qatari tea and pondering the price of influence.
